Sharks and wine

We've been lax, we'll admit. We have excuses tailored. We were busy. We were enjoying summer. We were working two jobs. We were watching bad shark movies and drinking wine.
That's a damn good fucking excuse right there.
Any case, it wasn't as though we weren't finding solid gold shit on the street for this esteemed journal. So feast your eyes, gentle reader and bask in the glory of the Berkeley Street Society!

The City of Berkeley has continued on their war on all Berkeley Street Society members, sane and crazed, clean and filthy. This is a drastic change from their former lax enforcement of the handcarting, bedraggled, grumbling, bring us your shambling, obscenity-screaming masses yearning for pocket change existence of the homeless. Many of our more recognizable members have left the City. Others have been downgraded, their possessions seized. Both Viva Bush, who has since moved to a granny cart, and the Painter, who merely walked over the Ace Hardware and started a cart afresh, have suffered this indignity.

If you feel concerned about this sudden reverse in policy, you can join the BSS's newest program: Adopt a Member!
Are you aware that the homeless are becoming endangered in Berkeley? Many of their unnatural environments are being turned against them! The constables frequently raid the parks at night, leaving many to retreat to the cold concrete of south Shattuck. While our most regular BSS members are still about, we worry what will happen to their freedom...so we introduce Adopt a Member!
Our pilot program has so far been a success, we have at least three BSS members now sponsored by responsible citizens who wish to give back to their community by throwing themselves into the relentless, guilt-inducing, heart-breaking struggle of friendship and care taking for a BSS member. It is not a relationship to take lightly but you too can reap the rewards of caring for your fellow human. Just think, no celebrity designed necklace, no funky rubber bracelets, no fancy bags or designer t-shirts involved, just you and another human who wants some spare change and possibly a place to shower.

Breaking news!
"Do you have any plastic pussies?"

Shit Spotting
A large skidderoo was sighted in front of Half Price Books. We deeply sympathize with whoever went skiing in feces, leaving dirty footprints into the store.

Sightings
Dr. Bombay decided to indulge in a bit of fencing one day. Unfortunately no one else was informed of his desire and so to the general public innocently walking down the street, it appeared as though this smelly man in five layers of clothing was attacking them with his cane. Twirling his pimp cane with studious concentration, Dr. Bombay would jump in front of an unsuspecting pedestrian and begin sparring. The person was likely boggled by the shock, the stench, and the extremely loud music coming from Dr. Bombay's ghetto blaster. Yet many managed to scuttle away, leaving the good doctor to his next opponent.

The Schizo was carefully perusing items at a sidewalk sale when she stepped back suddenly, slamming into a vision-impaired gentleman who was passing on the sidewalk behind her. The gentleman, shocked, stopped to regather his senses, but the Schizo had to explain. "You need to say excuse me. Excuse me, you crashing into me. You should apologize. I won't forgive you," she muttered. Shocked, the gentleman quickly continued on his way.
But the young lady attending the sidewalk sale overheard this unorthodox apology, a new one to her, and felt a need to correct the Schizo. "Can't you see he's visually-impaired you rude bitch?!" The Schizo muttered inaudibly and wandered off.

A gentleman entered a store and asked to buy a helium tank. When informed that the store's tank was a fixture he offered to pay a $1000 for it. When asked just why he needed the helium so badly he said he needed it to blow up his car's tires to make his car faster. This was met with disbelief. He then insisted it could work which is when the employees informed him of a store that sold disposable helium tanks in hopes of getting rid of him.

Chainsaw Asshole was overheard by a bs correspondent telling an acquaintance outside McDonald's "that I get compliments for being the cleanest bum on the street. I take care myself, I take care of my clothes, I don't smell.." Our correspondent would like to point out that CA has an dingy Brillo pad for hair and smells so bad that people walk five to ten feet away from him. Another correspondent witnessed him pulling up his filthy once-white socks fastidiously.

Crazy Anne was heard, as always quite loudly, proclaiming "you're fucking up my menopause! YOU FUCKING RAPED ME!" This was followed by her equally well-known piece, "I asked you not to assault me! YOU ARE A CHILD MOLESTER! Don't touch me!" We would like to advise that you never make eye contact with her as she will follow you screaming "you raped me!"

A gentleman smelling distinctly of cigarettes and beer entered a store and began a $50 shopping spree, insisting he had to spend the full amount of $50 to the penny. This became quite a challenge when it was discovered he was .11 short of his goal. He became positively manic about spending the .11 and then insisted on his getting a free item.

EMP lady was sighted early one day screaming her namesake at Ashby BART but later that day she was spotted waiting for the bus, grumbling loudly.