Things begin to go awry

Berkeley has declared war on the Berkeley Street Society. As a direct result all of the relatively peaceful street folk are now angry too. The bum roundabout is in full effect with new bums turning up all the time and everyone is unhappy that Berkeley has decided that the best way to deal with BSS members is to alienate them all by ticketing, arresting, and attacking business owners that help the nicer ones. In the meantime the mean and ill ones still roam the streets shouting at random and businesses downtown continue to go out of business. Parking remains impossible to find and incredibly expensive. Isn't it strange that Berkeley somehow assumes that if they get rid of ALL the homeless people that business will somehow forget the dirty streets, the lack of public bathrooms, the smell of urine as a result, the lack of parking and general mistreatment by the city itself with its interminable permit process and minutiae? And of course, the city assumes somehow the public will forget that Berkeley has been synonymous with homeless since People's Park was created? Of course we are forgetting that BSS members show no inclination of leaving, mostly because where else do they have to go?

TRAVEL
Some of the BSS members have found the climate here unsuitable so some of them have been spotted testing the water in other areas. But they always return.
A panhandler recognized for regularly working the corner in front of BofA downtown was spotted in downtown San Francisco. It is known that he commutes from Oakland to Berkeley on Bart everyday, so it is only a little further to go to the City. It didn't take though, after two weeks he's back to running his hands through his hands muttering, "wantaginmechang" and yelling about smelling gas, "would someone turn the gas heater off?"

Chainsaw Asshole was also spotting touring the provinces, he was seen in Alameda of all places, pretending to be a completely normal shopper. Very mysterious.

We have also heard a wonderful tale about a gentlemen from Richmond called "the Backflip Guy." Apparently he runs into the local Jack in a Box to a table full of people and offers a fair exchange, he will perform a backflip in the restaurant for money and odd change. As the gentlemen is apparently very tall and rail thin this peaks most jaded twenty-something's interest. Money is thrown on the table and the gentlemen literally does a backflip in front of the table and lands in place. He flashes a gleaming smile and takes the money, disappearing as angry management tired of the display move from behind the counter.

Also brought to us by our bs correspondents is a tale of discord. Imagine a bart station in downtown san francisco and now picture on one side a musician trying to play the sax and on the other side a musician trying to play an Asian intrument that uses the bow. Imagine the reverb in the empty multi-floored space. Imagine the noise. Witness the battle of the BART musicians - each determined to make money off rush hour and neither willing to admit defeat.

BREAKING NEWS:
"I DON'T know who the Anti-Christ is!"

We continue to give to the community by this 2nd installment in our series of How-to's, titled:
HOW TO TELL THE "EAT MY TWAT" LADY FROM THE "EAT MY PUSSY" LADY

Well, first of all the Eat My Twat lady is a little white lady while the Eat My Pussy lady is a big black lady. They typically roam the same neighborhood but the EMT lady only yells her nickname when she is being arrested by the local constabulary. The EMP lady doesn't need a reason to yell. She is typically combative and profane and her most frequent target is women. She will make eye-contact and start screaming at the available victim to take their pussy out of there, to wash their pussy and to eat her pussy. By this point the veins are bulging in her neck and her eyes are red with rage. It is thought that perhaps Evil Old Woman is her mother, but this remains unconfirmed.

And to tie in to our previous article we include this shocking account, we bring you:
EYE-WITNESS
Flashback to year 2000, it was on the ac transit 51 and there was I, the EMP lady and this innocent little asian Cal student. The EMP lady was sitting in the back of the bus but I knew better, as did many people on the bus, so only the little Cal girl walked to the back of the bus and sat down in her vicinity. "I can smell your pussy! I can SMELL your pussy! You need to wash, bitch! You need to WASH your pussy! You bitch! STD BITCH! HERPES BITCH! EAT MY PUSSY BITCH!" During this I watched in horror and I was thankful it was not me, although the girl was terrified and fixed her eyes out the window, diligently trying not to hear the terrible things.

SIGHTINGS
Pumpkin lady has returned! After a month of no sightings we began to wonder but hark! There she was dancing on the sidewalk, her face smeared with makeup, muttering to herself, going crazy for all the world to see.

Smelly Claus I has accessorized! He now sports a snazzy mangled feather scotch-taped to his beanie hat. He took his time to lounge in the B of A circle so all may see his herniated baggy-panted grandeur. Later he was spotted sitting on a ledge ravaging a bag of Lays potato chips.

Manimal made a brief reappearance, arguing in public no less. But sadly she is back to hiding in her den once more.

Smile Guy, he of the cheerful demeanor and high-pitched squeal of girlish glee announced to us estastically that he had reached a benchmark. He is now the proud owner of 1500 bouncy balls. There is something telling about an needy wimp saying he collects balls.

Ms. Poopie Pants has been seen recently, casually strolling around in a variety of fashionable outfits, all of which are cleaner than her nickname. We particularly enjoyed the stunning button-up shirt used as a skirt.

The Cowboy has returned. He really really wants his dog back.

Omar Perro tried to hug children who are frightened of a scary smelly man and harassed a woman by telling he that she was dirty in a "sexy" voice.

A woman recognized by one of our bs correspondents as being completely crazy despite her neat clean appearance announced to passerby "you better get out of here you negros! I'll call the cops on you negros!" She always drags a little wheelie bag and carries a bright yellow bag. She also announced to another passer-by "you've got a lot of crazy bitches here in Berkeley." The passer-by refrained from mentioning to the woman that she was one of them.

An emaciated man who has obviously not shaved or had a haircut in years proceeded to crawl up Shattuck, pushing his backpack before him, his pants ever threatening to slide off. Everyone was visibly horrified.

A gentleman with a backpacking pack on proceeded to thoroughly investigate the $1 chinese food place's trash despite the owner's attempts to dissuade him.

One Street Society member attempted to stop a pedestrian in rush and when she did not stop he yelled after her, "Fine, call the cops on me for harassing you!" She looked back, totally bewildered.

Viva Bush was spotted with his head shaved and without his dog. We are told he visits it, whereever it is.

INTRODUCTIONS
You have probably seen Scab McMuffin in his daily trek to the McDonalds' downtown. He is marked by a large scab that takes up half his face. He must tear it open on a regular basis because it is frequently bloody and it amazingly NEVER heals. You can see Scab McMuffin walking in the car lane closest to the street, scarfing his McDonalds filth out of the bag. Typically he will finish it up on the corner and then disappear. This is a daily occurrence. We have never seen him anywhere else.

The Painter is most often found in his territory which is the area around College and Ashby. He is easily recognized with his bright purple hat and cart filled with art projects in progress. Frequently he is found on benches busily working away with some new project balanced on his tattered sweater covered belly.

Drinky Bill is a regular in downtown. He's quiet, especially when he's surreptitiously drinking out of a paper bag. He's easily recognized by his bulbous drinker's nose.
He likes to beg for change at various spots in the downtown area and he has a lot of friends that come up and talk to him. One of his more annoying habits involve him being sprawled in front of a business with his shoes off picking his feet.

SUCCESS!
We have found a public bathroom downtown. It is behind the Civic Center on Milvia and is, of course, not clearly marked and only open at odd hours. Look for the homeless people going in and out and then you've found it.