Sightings:
Shamrock Guy had a run-in with the local pizza establishment. Refused entry by an adamant employee, Shamrock Guy attempted to make his way by force. Pushed back by the now offended employee, Shamrock Guy, in desparation, tried to punch the employee. This resulted in Shamrock Guy recieving a square-on kick in the chest that sent him sprawling to the sidewalk. Later that day he was spotted missing a shoe. Another bs correspondent witnessed him attempting to persuade the good employees of Goodwill to donate to him a new shoe. Days later he was sighted still with only one shoe and a dirty sock. A day after that he was seen wearing one shoe and a fluffy slipper on the other. A week later he had a matching pair of new shoes.
Denture Guy was banned from a downtown business for stealing but that hasn't stopped him from trying to get his fix: fake joke teeth he calls "dentures." Imagine the surprise of the employee that day when a confused young man came in to ask if he could buy some "dentures." Understanding immeditely that Denture Guy had sent in a ringer, the employee pretended lack of comprehension and stated they sold no dentures. Moments after the ringer left Denture Guy himself rushed in stating he needed his dentures and was gently reminded by the employee of his permanent banishment as which point he whirled around and yelled "shut it bitch!" with some emotion. But, threatened with local constabulary's involvement in the situation, he retreated to outside where he loudly proclaimed, "they won't let me in! they won't give me my dentures! They won't let me into my home!"
Omar Perro was all worked up for Valentine's Day. He raced down the streets loudly proclaiming "I love you! I love your son! I love your mama!"
The Painter meandered past our bs correspondents one day, coming to rest in front of them. Dressed in a filthy possibly green sweater,completely begrimed and carrying a thin walking stick of his own creation, he stared upwards a moment in contemplation. Turning he stated hello to our bemused correspondents and returned to his reverie. Completely oblivious he reached up and reamed around in his ear canal a bit with his blackened finger and studied the result. Then he turned around and went his way.
Shit Spotting:
Someone had a little slip and slide next to the BART station. Someone carefully positioned a meaty offering in front of the crosswalk where someone went for a little skid. To mark the offense a large orange cone was placed in front of the skidderoo of epic proportions.
Introductions:
You can hear it all the way down the block: the sound of Worst Blind Man Ever smacking his cane down the sidewalk. How does Worst Blind Man distinguish himself from other visually impaired folk? Whereas one hears the gentle tapping of canes by capable people sharing the same impairment, Worst Blind Man Ever continues to assault the general public and local downtown businesses with his manic cane flailing, his grumpy and begrimed demeanor and the real excitement that occurs when he works himself into the same dead end every two days. Once reaching said dead end or open doorway Worst Blind Man begins a chest-level attack with his cane, somehow unable to concieve just what happened that he ended up in the corner of a storefront like a local bookstore. Flailing away with rapid fire twacks, employees of local businesses have to yell at him from a distance "which store are you looking for? or "do you need help?" at which point he will mutter to himself and turn around before flailing his way forward in the opposite direction. One of our bs correspondents came forward with a story in which Worst Blind Man Ever reached a store's doorway and then collapsed in it on his side. When the frantic salesperson tried to communicate with him about his health or needs, he dismissed her inquires by growling "it's fine" and opening a pack of Oreo cookies, began to shove them into his mouth. Eventually he recovered and without any thanks or confirmation of feeling better twacked his way down the street once more.
A gentleman that we now know as the Loudmouth, a highly abrasive and opinioned individual was kind enough to share his opinions at large to the general public. We have saved some of his choicer bon mots to share with you:
"The prices are going up, can you believe it? A homeless man asked me to buy him a coke! I find out a coke costs $2.69!"
"These kids will rob you blind!"
"In China they just take you into a field and shoot you! That's criminal punishment in China!"
He signed off with "Now I'm gonna feed my face!" before marching away.
You can hear it all the way down the block: the sound of Worst Blind Man Ever smacking his cane down the sidewalk. How does Worst Blind Man distinguish himself from other visually impaired folk? Whereas one hears the gentle tapping of canes by capable people sharing the same impairment, Worst Blind Man Ever continues to assault the general public and local downtown businesses with his manic cane flailing, his grumpy and begrimed demeanor and the real excitement that occurs when he works himself into the same dead end every two days. Once reaching said dead end or open doorway Worst Blind Man begins a chest-level attack with his cane, somehow unable to concieve just what happened that he ended up in the corner of a storefront like a local bookstore. Flailing away with rapid fire twacks, employees of local businesses have to yell at him from a distance "which store are you looking for? or "do you need help?" at which point he will mutter to himself and turn around before flailing his way forward in the opposite direction. One of our bs correspondents came forward with a story in which Worst Blind Man Ever reached a store's doorway and then collapsed in it on his side. When the frantic salesperson tried to communicate with him about his health or needs, he dismissed her inquires by growling "it's fine" and opening a pack of Oreo cookies, began to shove them into his mouth. Eventually he recovered and without any thanks or confirmation of feeling better twacked his way down the street once more.
A gentleman that we now know as the Loudmouth, a highly abrasive and opinioned individual was kind enough to share his opinions at large to the general public. We have saved some of his choicer bon mots to share with you:
"The prices are going up, can you believe it? A homeless man asked me to buy him a coke! I find out a coke costs $2.69!"
"These kids will rob you blind!"
"In China they just take you into a field and shoot you! That's criminal punishment in China!"
He signed off with "Now I'm gonna feed my face!" before marching away.
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