Scandal, no shit

Perhaps there is a general air of improvement downtown. The BSS members seem disheartened, as though the city they know is slowly but surely forcing them out with fines, tickets and general harassment. What will happen when the damaged get help and the bums find new places to sleep? Will you one day be able to walk down the length of Shattuck and not feel like you're running the change gauntlet?

Shopping cart train at the BofA circle
Let's circle up the carts and sit around the boom box playing funk music, and take you back to a time when men were men and not winos. Passing the bottle in the bag we sing sweet songs and laugh and yell comments at the young college women. All the busdrivers are your friends, the ivy behind you your bathroom and the rats an alternate food source. Nothing like a cold night with the boys with a tasty 40 in hand. By morning the train will have dispersed, each little urban schooner searching out its bottles and cans until evening falls and the circle is joined once again.

MANIMAL UPDATE!
We of the Berkeley Street Society regret to inform you that the Manimal has been incarcerated in a penal institution due to circumstances stemming from the fact that she was personally involved with the rubber-band shooting incident we mentioned last week. Our best wishes to her at this time and we hope to see her back on the streets soon, patrolling, accosting, and just being plain funny.

The wonder of just being in downtown Berkeley, where any normal day can turn into another mind scarring incident of city living. Our bs correspondents bring you another-
EYE-WITNESS ACCOUNT
Whilst partaking of some tasty nicotine a Berkeley Street Society member caught our attention. This might have been because this gentleman was dressed in more than three layers of clothing, many of which were too big for him. Also he was sporting size 4 women's pumps with his heels hanging off the ends. But apparently his strange appearance wasn't enough. He had to get some real attention. When he reached the corner,with no warning whatsover, he spontaneously started shedding clothes. Off came the giant jeans, followed by a pair of khakis, and after shedding a pair of Dickies work pants he stood revealed, bare to the world. Lifting up the shirts that kept his modesty he kicked off his pumps and began gyrating wildly, flopping his manroot at the innocent passengers in a car waiting for the green light. Yelling "you want to see? you want to see! You want some of this?!" he continued to dangle and shake his twig and berries. Having satisfied some inner longing, he stopped and methodically began putting his clothes back on. Then he tottered away down the street on his too-small pumps.

Breaking news!
Will all people named Duke Duke please stand up?

And now we add a new piece for the education of our readers:
HOW NOT TO GET A JOB
Let's say you want to get a job at a cool store in your area, and hey, you don't know if they're hiring but it wouldn't hurt to ask. First, it helps to be dressed for success. If you dress for the position, that impresses people. And maybe they don't have a job now but they're definitely going to keep you in mind for future job openings. This doesn't ALWAYS mean they're blowing you off, this may mean they're interested in getting more information first. So continuing to sell yourself by talking about yourself in glowing, ego-sating terms doesn't really help. It makes you come off as a first rate arrogant doofus. And if you're applying for a security position at this store, it really doesn't help you if you try to walk out the door with a bunch of their stuff, setting off the security alarm. Some might think they can recover the situation by claiming they forgot while still attempting to hide stuff in their plastic bag. And of course, offering to pay for it may seem to be the sincere thing to do. But, face it, you ain't getting the job if you just tried to walk out with $30 worth of stuff, try to hide some of the items, when you offer to pay your card is declined because you have no money, while still insisting that you're a stand-up guy who deserves a job. Yeah, we'll keep you in mind. You're on our Do Not Enter list now.

Sightings
Ms. Prune is shopping up a storm for spring. Every store downtown has been visited by the dainty crone who must be searching for bargains.

When a Berkeley Street Society member inquired a passerby about the possibility of spare change, the passerby replied, "no, thank you." The BSS member then yelled, "Thank me for what?" As the passerby quickly continued down the street and Bss member berated him from a distance. "No really, what are you thanking me for? You're the one not giving any fucking change!"

A block of Shattuck was privy to the debut of a new verbal art piece. It suddenly shattered the air as a BSS member began to yell and screech profanity laced with horror. Throwing himself into doorways he tried to protect himself from his demons but they followed him down the street.

Ring Man, who has been diligently panhandling for the last two weeks, decided to stop by a couple of stores to fulfill his special needs. He was overheard in the doorway of one business begging entrance to buy a blue ring because he was an Aquarius (favored by bums everywhere). Unfortunately they were out of that color.